Exclusion Zone

I kept away from social media yesterday. I felt that my SoMe (social media) communities were engaged in a collective discussion around a topic for which, although I had some sympathy, I was not 'qualified' nor engaged with enough to want to participate in or discuss, nor to raise any other topic which could be construed as 'off message'. The topic, of course, was the death of David Bowie.

This got me thinking about why so many people have a view that social media is 'not for them'; how they feel excluded from 'the club'; that they 'don't have anything to say' in those spaces. I get that. I have found a community - and a voice - in social media, principally in my professional field of Learning & Development, but also in other areas of personal interest. And those communities  have been enormously important and supportive to me and my family in this last year, for which I am eternally grateful.

But sometimes, it feels like I'm the only person in the world who hasn't been touched by - or indeed, cares enough about - some events. And that triggers my 'not belonging' injunction, big time. I feel myself drawing back into my shell, wanting to keep my head down, whilst trying to resist an underlying anger and almost contempt for others' genuine and sincere sharing of their individual feelings. This makes me feel even more unworthy and shallow, as though I am lacking in empathy or cultural awareness, whilst all around me are remembering, emoting, respecting and sharing their grief and their loss. 

This is difficult stuff, by the way, and I share my thoughts here advisedly. I made the mistake several years ago (2011 in fact) of expressing a contrary view to the death of another cultural icon in a fairly dismissive tweet, and was rightly called out on it. I blogged then about how that changed my perspective and thinking about intent versus impact in social media "What Else I Learned on my Holidays"

Nowadays, I try to exercise consideration (and thereby constraint) in my SoMe activities. I am very conscious of the appropriateness of topic or comment in the face of others' national, community, collective or indeed, individual experience, which is immediate and heartfelt. Whilst I recognise the importance and significance of David Bowie's leadership in our art, music and culture over the last 50 years, and I totally get how important he was to so many people - particularly, it appears, in my SoMe and PLN (Personal Learning Network) communities - and whilst sad for his family, friends and admirers for their loss, I remain pretty untouched by his death.

So I stepped back yesterday and let everyone get on with it. No offence intended.  As my Jewish In-Laws say at times like this, I wish you a long life.

New Normal (2)

And so it begins...

Today is Monday the 4th of January 2016, the first day of my 'new normal' working life. Regular readers of my blogs will be aware of the challenging year 2015 was for me and my family, a milestone year of fantastic highs and significant lows. That is now behind me and I will refer to it no more.

2016 is the year where I choose what I want to work on, how I want to work on it, and with whom. I have over 30 years' experience in Learning and Development, as a business owner and in the public and the commercial sectors. I have succeeded in my various roles and responsibilities by learning as I went along, stepping up into hitherto unknown territories, relying on my own quick study and the wisdom of my colleagues and co-workers, getting whatever training was necessary - and then getting on with the job, the best learning technique of them all.

My proposition is simple. I believe that no-one goes to work to have a miserable time and that, with the right support and encouragement, we can all have fulfilling, purposeful working experiences which benefit us, our colleagues, our customers, our families and the wider community in which we all live and operate. I believe that adult to adult dialogue and conversations between and amongst colleagues and facilitators is the way to achieve this - be it peer to peer, manager to colleague, or 'learner' to 'trainer/consultant'. People make mistakes. I've made mistakes. The big mistake would be to make that mistake again because we didn't learn from it the first time round. So listen. Don't judge (everyone is fighting their own battles that you know nothing about).

And now I'm choosing to step into a #newnormal working life and am offering my experience and pragmatic approach to L&D, Learning Technologies and Social Media to anyone who would be interested in working with me to improve themselves, their people and their outcomes.

If that's of interest, get at me via comments here, via Twitter, LinkedIn or About.Me

Thanks.

Niall

Listen Up!

This blog has lurked around for a while, unpublished. I wasn't convinced it 'had legs'. So I want to thank Sukhvinder Pabial ( @sukhpabial ) for his joyous weekend blog Acapella Music and Pentatonix which reminded me why I penned this in the first place.

________________________________

 

I have started listening to music again.

"Why is this news?", I hear you ask. Maybe not of much import to or impact on you, but it's another step along my cardiac bypass recovery and readjustment path, and indeed, links to and supports another of my 'life themes', 'Look Up! See blog, "Things Are Looking Up"

I have grown to value silence. During my recovery, when I was not out walking and building up my stamina and strength, I spent a lot of my time alone during the day, as Mandy was at work and the children (young adults), albeit home for the holidays, were doing their own thing elsewhere. I 'switched off' from the noise of social media and any work-related activities.

And in this new-found silence, I resisted back-filling it. I only watched breakfast TV, and then switched everything 'noisy' off - no TV, no radio, no iPod/Pad/Phone, no stereo system (remember them?). On my walks, as well as 'looking up', I have been 'listening up', hearing birdsong, wind in branches, waves on pebble beaches, seagulls calling... And just taking it all in.

And I've been wondering why I haven't been inclined to listen to music. I have wide musical tastes (I shan't bore you by listing them) and have always enjoyed both recorded and live performances. So what changed?

I had to travel up to London on the train recently, and after being on the train for 10 minutes, I chastised myself for forgetting my earphones. And there it was! I didn't want to listen to music on my 'phone for the pleasure of listening to music itself - I wanted to drown out the intrusion of the chatter, laughter, crying children, leaking personal stereo headphones and incessant service announcements which permeate modern train travel. I was taken right back to my commuting days and the 'familiar bad feelings' associated therewith.

I realised that I had begun to associate music with an unpleasant experience by using it as a distraction, a disconnect, if you will, from that experience and the people around me and thereby I devalued something that has given my heart and soul much pleasure and comfort over the years. This realisation made me sad.

So I determined to lay the ghost and reconnect with my music. We have a large collection of CDs and online music. I decided to re-explore that collection and other sources - and write this blog. As I have written, revisited and edited, I have been accompanied throughout by music that I have not 'listened' to for a long time.

 

So Listen up - this blog is brought to you by the Philip Glass Ensemble, by the Michael Nyman Band, Jeff Lynne's ELO, Elton John and, right now, by The Eagles. But there is so much more to discover and enjoy out there.

I'm listening...!

New Normal

It's now just over six months since I had my triple coronary bypass operation and coming up to three months since I was made redundant. In what was already going to be a momentous year for me and the family (Mandy's 60th Birthday, Natasha's Graduation, Our 30th Wedding Anniversary and my own impending 60th Birthday), these two sudden and unexpected events have brought me up short and made me question what I do, how I do it and - critically - why I do it.

Unsurprisingly, it has taken all of these six months to get my head (and my heart) into and around these questions. In many respects, I have been given several gifts - more time, better health, incredible support, counselling and reflective space being just some of them - so I have not felt the need or the impetus to get back to the busy. In slow time, I have tried to shift my thinking from what do I NOT want to do any more (it's quite a long list!) to what really matters to me and what I want my 'New Normal' to be in the time I have left.

 

Truth to tell, having experienced the rest and peace that these six months have afforded me, I can visualise - and would be quite happy to start - retirement. Financially, that's not an option quite yet. But what is emerging looks like an initial 5-year Plan followed by another 20 years which will mostly be about standing on roundabouts, shouting at traffic...

Received wisdom nowadays is that 60 is not a great age to find oneself out of work and looking to find more. But here's where 'Niall's New Normal' has already kicked in; I'm not stressing or worrying myself about it. Life is - literally - too short to do that any more.

Things happen for a reason. Things present themselves when you are open to allowing them to so do. The Universe offers opportunities that you will miss if you're not paying attention, if you're not listening, if you're not present - if you're too busy trying to get back to how things were (and what caused the problem/s in the first place). Letting go and endings are as much a part of moving forward as are shaping futures.

As I have been clarifying my thinking about those futures and how I want to operate, how I feel about 'stuff' and how I think I can be useful, events have opened up which have been relevant and attuned to those thoughts. I have finally caught up with Jamil Quereshi's talk at September's 'LearningLive' conference. Much of what he said resonates strongly for me - particularly about changing thinking to change feeling to change action and how important it is for our lives to have meaning and purpose. I have been able to participate in several other conference, learning and networking events recently, mostly through my Personal Learning Network, professional associations and social media communities, all of which have spoken to me in significant and timely ways of how I can be in #newnormal - and out of these interactions are starting to emerge potential professional opportunities, none of which involve having a full-time, role and salary-defined responsibility, but which could be autonomous, developmental, fun and rewarding. That seems to me to be a good start for now...

Watch this space!

Ex-It

Recently, I've been updating my social media profiles. Mostly, this just involved adding "ex-" in front of my job/role description, because, in early September, my employer and I parted company after 10 years. This was a mutually-arrived-at decision, the discussion thereof having been postponed from May due to my sudden and unexpected cardiac bypass surgery and subsequent weeks of recovery.

All due process followed, I exited the business on the 7th of September and was able to 'go public' with my team and ex-colleagues and also with my peers and personal learning network at the Learning & Performance Institute 'LearningLive' conference a couple of weeks ago.
  
On Friday, I trudged up to the London office to return my ex-employer's laptop, Blackberry, passes, data sticks etc and pack up my few belongings and books for them to courier back home for me (I still can't lift heavy boxes, due to my bypass recovery). It was a bitter-sweet pleasure to see and chat with erstwhile colleagues Emma, Jennifer, Dominic and Lee and I managed to 'keep it together' right up until the final moment when I left the office for the last time.

I'm going to organise an off-site 'leaving 'do' in October for ex-workmates, and then, quite literally, my work is done. For now.

Because now I've got even more time to consider my future options. What have I learned? What will my new normal look and feel like? What do I want to do? (What don't I want to do?) What inspires and enthuses me? What's my proposition? What - and more importantly, who - matters? Who do I want to play with? Who wants to play with me? S'exciting.

Feel free to chat with me about any and/or all of the above, via the usual channels, or add a comment here. Thanks.

Heart and Soul

jordan mcqueen under CC0 1.0

Last Friday was a milestone in the ongoing story of my coronary bypass recovery, as it was exactly three months since my surgery - three months of steady, if slow, progress, rebuilding my strength and stamina. My scars are healing nicely, my walking distance is increasing and I am now starting to look towards returning to work. 

And I am also beginning to properly reflect on what the impacts have been and will be - on my family, on my friends and colleagues and on my future self. My own sense of self has been fundamentally challenged. I am not immortal! Despite years of good health and fitness, I have been ambushed by my own body and by the rapidity with which I was overtaken by angina symptoms, investigation, surgery and recovery.  In many respects, I feel as though I have been a passenger in all this, with the only 'control' or decision-making I had being no control at all - why would I say 'no' to surgery when it was made evident to me by the experts that I had serious, life-threatening heart disease and multiple coronary artery failures?

So now I find myself pondering such issues as Who am I? Where do I fit? What is my 'new normal' going to be? What's my role, function and purpose now and for the next 25 years, in relation to myself, my family, friends, acquaintances and colleagues? How do I go on from here - living and operating in my family, social, work and virtual lives? What does work look like now? What do I want? How selfish can/should I be? I'm now in the process of finding a talking therapy counsellor so I can start to explore some of this stuff - and whatever else may come up - with someone who is not involved in any of the above.

Coincidentally, all of this has got me pondering on the language we use - and mis-use - in thinking and talking about this sort of thing. I now firmly believe that my body, and more specifically, my heart, was talking to me long before I began to experience angina symptoms in April. I just wasn't actively listening to it. At various times in the last year, I knew that 'my heart wasn't in it', that I was 'heartily sick' of things (like moving house and commuting), that my 'heart's desire' was for some change to the routine and that it was becoming increasingly stressful to be at 'the heart of the action' at work, at home and in the virtual, social and professional arenas within which I was active. And my conclusion is that, in not paying proper attention to those emotional and physical voices, in continuing to push through ('cos that's what I do), I literally 'broke my heart'.

But now I'm fixed, now I've dodged the bullet, I shan't be so deaf to what my body, my gut, my heart's telling me. I shall wear my heart on my sleeve and look after myself better. I owe it to myself and to those who love and who have supported me through the last four months. Obviously, there are more conversations to be had, but there will be no more lip service to 'work/life balance'.  Onwards...!

PS: Are you listening to your body? Is your heart still in what you're doing and how you're doing it? Or does your heart ache? My advice would be to tune in before you tune out!

Heartfelt

Just over a month ago I had a triple coronary bypass operation and am currently signed off work for several more weeks as I recover. This all happened very quickly, as a result of experiencing some chest pain in April and attending the doctor to discuss.
 

An initial diagnosis of angina, followed by an ECG and blood tests, quickly led to a consultation with a cardiologist, an exploratory angiograph (x-ray of my heart) and revelation of the fact that not only had I had a heart attack late last year (whilst Mandy and I were in the throes of a very stressful house move) resulting in a completely blocked coronary artery, but also that two other arteries were in the process of closing up due to coronary heart disease and my heart was now struggling to function adequately, hence the chest pain. 
 

Needless to say, and on the advice of my cardiologist that I was otherwise sufficiently healthy and 'an ideal candidate', two days later I was under the knife in Southampton, blocked arteries bypassed with re-directed chest arteries and veins 'harvested' from my legs and, within the week, was despatched home for a three month recovery period.

This was a huge shock, not only to me, but to Mandy, recently started a new job, and to my children, both of whom were in the final stages of their University year work - Tash completing her Finals and Sam completing his Year 1 work. With very little time for reflection or for debate, my life was turned upside down and inside out. All my attention was now focussed on 'getting better', a slow process initially whilst my body was effectively in post-traumatic shock from very invasive surgery and it's only in the time that I have been given at home, as my body heals, that I have slowly started to reflect on the emotional and psychological impacts.

I'm fortunate that I experienced angina symptoms sufficiently noticeable to discuss with Mandy and, on her insistence, seek immediate medical advice. I'm equally fortunate that things moved swiftly thereafter (within two weeks, I had the procedure) and that - apparently - everything has gone well. I'm healing physically. My chest scar and my leg scars are healing and easing and my mobility and stamina is increasing.

But my sense of self has been fundamentally challenged. What I thought was normal, may not have been normal. I have been living and operating in my family, social, work and virtual lives with a ticking bomb in my chest. That may have been having far more profound psychological, emotional and physical impacts - and for longer - than I, my family, friends, acquaintances and colleagues may have realised.  It's only now, a month later, that I am starting to 'allow' myself to consider these things and to reflect on what they mean for us now and in the future.  Much reflection and possibly some talking therapy to come. What's important? What's not so important? What does the 25 years that I've been given by this operation look like? How shall I/we spend that time? What does work and retirement look like now? 

We have much to be joyful about. I'm still here! Tash achieved a 2:1 BA in Interior Architecture & Design and graduates in late July, before starting her new job in August. Sam got straight B's throughout his Foundation Year and is guaranteed a place on the BA Film Production course at UCA in Farnham. Mandy is enjoying her new job in Brighton. Both Mandy and I turn 60 this year and it is also our 30th Wedding Anniversary in August. 

Previous readers may remember I blogged nearly four years ago about turning 56 and outliving my Father who died just after his 56th Birthday ("Age - Appropriate"). I said then that I had been gifted the time he never got and that I was going to make the most of it. Now, three years and one coronary bypass later, I have been given another gift. I do not intend to squander it.

PS: I could not have got through the last 5 weeks, nor will I get through the months to come, without the love, support, friendship and good wishes of many, many people, not least my darling wife Mandy and my two fantastic children, Natasha and Samuel. I love them and owe them everything, but my heartfelt thanks go out to you all.