MoonStruck

I was 13 when two humans landed on The Moon 50 years ago today. 

Photo by Stephen Walker on Unsplash

We were on holiday in Stonehaven on the Scottish East Coast. What I remember of that momentous event is that - to my undying puzzlement and regret - my brother Malcolm and I went - or were put to - bed, and slept through the whole thing! 

Even now, I can’t understand that. I was old enough to express an interest and to ask to stay up. Did I really not understand the significance of the event? Did my parents not get it? Did I/we ask to stay up? Or did we just not have a TV in the holiday home? I honestly can't remember.

As an older teenager and adult I’ve always had an interest in space and astronomy, so in the same week that I watched a partial eclipse of The Moon through binoculars at my kitchen window, this week’s commemorative programmes and films have been a joy. 

I’m experiencing the wonder and awe of it this time round with a heightened awareness, combined with a lingering sense of regret for my younger self missing it the first time.

Hope I get to stay up for the next one...!

Dance Steps

Mandy and I have just returned from a two week cruise visiting (some of) the Baltic ports. This was a long-overdue and much needed break for both of us.

As always, we found ourselves challenged in several ways. It always takes us a few days to settle into a holiday; it's such a contrast to and difference from our normal home/work/life routines, but we have grown to recognise the signs, cut each other some slack and be kind to ourselves and each other. Our dining arrangement turned out not to be to our liking and it took us a few days to recognise that and to adjust our routines accordingly.

And then there was the theme of the cruise - "Strictly Come Dancing"! Yes, we chose this cruise not only for the destinations (only one of which we had not visited before) but also for the SCD experience and the opportunity for us to get some refreshed/better ballroom and Latin skills under our belts (feet?).

Several professional dance couples from the show were on the ship and ran some open 'Masterclass' workshops, and there were also other professional dancers offering open and private lessons. We were very excited.

Another part of the experience is to participate in the 'Passenger Edition' Competition, in front of the full theatre (nearly 1,000 seats!), and judged by the celebrity panel headed up by arch-villain, Craig Revel-Horwood, on the penultimate night of the cruise!

Mandy was initially keen that we take part, whilst I had some (several) reservations. But it  wasn't until the process, procedure - and commitment required - was explained by the Entertainment Manager and SCD Producer at the first of the 'couple heats', that the reality kicked in. Did we really want to spend half our leisure time on board creating, choreographing and endlessly practicing a 90 second routine, to face a huge audience and acerbic comments at the end of it all? We were also under some pressure from friends before we left, and from people we met on the ship who had seen some of classes, to enter the competition. Which was very flattering and which our egos could very well have walked us into participating. Don't we all love to be thought of as good at stuff? But again, should we - literally  - be dancing to other people's tune, to their wants and expectations? Did we need that kind of additional obligational element? Did we want to risk getting stressed, frustrated and potentially falling out when we were supposed to be on holiday and achieving exactly the opposite?

Well, actually, no, we didn't. So we chose not to compete. We mutually - and very quickly - agreed that it was in our own and mutual best interest not to put ourselves into that kind of situation, but instead, to enjoy some open and private lessons just to improve our own skill levels a bit, do some social dancing in the evenings and generally have a much more relaxed 'Strictly' experience. So that's exactly what we did, whilst also enjoying all the different ports of call, excursions and self-managed wanderings, and as a result, we had a lovely holiday.

But we did go along to watch and support those brave couples who did reach the 'Passenger Finals', many of whom we had got to know over the two weeks at the other classes, but who always seemed to be just that little bit more stressed and focussed than us when we did. And funnily enough, the winners were a couple a young men on their honeymoon, who danced the most fun and enjoyable salsa, to the delight and approbation of both the audience and the judges. Craig R-H even got his '10 Paddle' out for them! We enjoyed being part of their experience from a different perspective than if we had been competing with them to lift the Glitter Ball Trophy.

Just because you think you should do something, and may very well be fully capable of doing it by putting in the commitment, energy and time required, doesn't mean that you have to. Sometimes you need to listen to your own inner, physical and emotional voices, and to what others are thinking, feeling and saying about it too. Exercise some self care. Try to 'break the busy'. Spend some quality time with those you love and who love you. Particularly now.

What I FELT on my Holidays

We've just come back from a week's break in North Yorkshire and are now on the second week of our staycation at home. I'm reflecting on the whole experience here, not from a learning blog perspective, but from a FEELING perspective and have focussed on five moments, each different, but all significant in their own way...

Family: We spent an evening at my Brother's home in Sleaford on our way up North, with my Brother Malcolm, my Sister-in-Law Diane and my Nephew, Daniel.  Always good to meet up with them, but there was added significance in the turn of conversation.  I blogged back in December about passing the age my Father was when he died, and the realisation for me that I had been gifted the time that he never had.  At one point in the evening, over coffee, Malcolm said, "Not sure whether to raise this or not, but sitting here looking at you, Niall, is like sitting here looking at Dad. You look exactly now as I remember him before he died."  My Sister-in-Law chipped in, "I only knew him for a short time, but he was the age you are now when I did, and it's spooky how much you look like I remember him".  I was profoundly moved by this, as it resonated with my feelings when I wrote my blog on that topic in December Age - Appropriate.  It's nearly 30 years since we lost our Father, and Malcolm and I haven't really talked about him since then.  This evening, we all spoke of our memories of him and our regrets at what he missed in our family growth.  For me, this was also a healing experience, as things were difficult between my Brother and his then fiance and our Mum and Dad at the time he took ill and died.  I felt that we had finally put that time and those feelings to bed and had collectively honoured my Father during our visit.

I FEEL closer and better connected to my family.

Theatre: When Mandy and I were in Scarborough, we went to the theatre to see Alan Ayckbourn's new play "Surprises".  Scarborough is the home of the Stephen Joseph Theatre, the cradle of his play writing and directing for many years now. I was totally caught up in the drama and humour of the piece, totally engaged with the characters and thoroughly enjoyed the faultless performances of the ensemble cast. The three acts flew past.  At the end of the piece, as the cast took their bows, I found myself applauding enthusiastically, but with tears streaming down my cheeks. I was moved and sad at the same time.  Why?  Because - if you didn't know this already - I used to be a professional actor.  I went to Drama College and graduated with the intention of becoming a Drama Teacher.  However, I elected to follow the theatrical path and became an actor, a career I pursued for some 12 years, until other priorities (like earning a decent wage, being able to pay the rent, save for a house, start a family - you know, that stuff), became more important and I stepped away and moved into training.  But I remember the feeling of performing, being part of an ensemble, interacting emotionally, exercising and developing my first choice craft, and, yes, soaking up the applause at the end.  I still miss it.  I need to find that passion and inspiration again in my work life.

I FELT torn - enthralled and energised by the play, but sad that my first choice career never worked out.

Trains: We spent a day on the North Yorkshire Moors Railway, travelling from Goathland to Grosmont, then all the way to Pickering and back. This is without a doubt the best working 'heritage' railway I have ever visited.  Mainline steam trains travelling through stunning scenery for up to an hour-long journey.  The trainspotter geek, the inner free child and the nostalgia fan in me were all fully immersed and satisfied in the joy of a day with steam trains.  Mandy said that half of her enjoyment of the day was the pleasure of seeing me enjoying myself so much, and in fact, she tweeted a photo of me expressing my excitement, which I reproduce here, for your enjoyment/amusement.  You can see the pictures of the day, as well as the rest of our holiday, on my new Flickr site at http://www.flickr.com/photos/niallgavinuk/sets/72157630821521698/

I FELT unalloyed 'free child' joy and happiness.

Marriage: Throughout our holiday, Mandy and I are spending quality time together, without considering the day-to-day issues of work/life imbalance, financial worries, managing the household, etc.  We walk, we talk, we laugh, we dine out, we drink, we read, we argue, we smooch... 

I FEEL a deeper love for and connection with my wife.

Olympics:  During the home-based week of our UK staycation, I am watching a lot of the London 2012 Olympics, and am genuinely and pleasantly surprised at how much I am enjoying the experience.  I have watched so many different sports, and really got caught up in the excitement and the emotion of each and every one of them.  I am so impressed and inspired by the passion, commitment, strength and athleticism of these young people - and, having been a bit of an Olympics sceptic beforehand (impact on London commuters, G4S, ticket lottery and empty seats), have been completely won round by the logistics and the organisation of the whole event.  It's a pleasure to see the athletes and the public united in enjoying this unique event in London.

I FEEL proud to be British. 

(On further reflection, that Olympics paragraph ties in with the concluding contrary remarks of my last, rather downbeat, blog, "We're only little - and our time is short"- "I actually think that there is much to love about us humans; that we can do remarkable things and show astonishing creativity, compassion, generosity, mindfulness and tenacity.  That's why I'm in Learning and Development.")

So, why are all these experiences resonating?  Because in each case, I was/am caught up in the emotional, sensed moment - not intellectualising, not over-analysing, just being.  And that's a damn good reason for making sure that  we have a lot more holidays and tune-out time, in the gift I have been given of the time that my Dad never got to enjoy.  So, to conclude...

I FEEL GOOD!