Three years on - On taking my Son to University

2014 is shaping up to be a milestone year for us, and I will no doubt blog some reflections on that, with the hindsight of distance and time, next year.  For today though, I wanted to share some thoughts and feelings, which reference a previous blog from September three years ago Reflections on taking my Daughter to University and touch on taking my son, Sam, to university in Farnham yesterday.

Having re-read that blog, when I took Child 1, Natasha, to university, I am reminded why my social media profiles all start with the description "Husband, Dad..." followed by my professional description. That's where my priorities lie and have lain for the last 32 years, since I met Mandy. Up until then, I saw and validated myself by my career/job role as an actor, a role for which I was prepared to move anywhere in the country, for lousy money, mostly to do average work and with no career ladder or prospects in sight. That all changed after I met Mandy in 1982 and we became 'an item' and later married ("Husband"), moved to Hove to start a family and welcomed Tash and Sam into the world in 1992 and 1995 respectively ("Dad"). And I moved into Learning & Development ("the professional description").

So three years ago, I said about taking Tash to uni, "Niall's first rule of parenthood - there are no rules!  It's the ultimate seat-of-your-pants, non-formal, on-demand, experiential learning opportunity.  Just as you've managed to reflect and re-apply what you've just learned, the goalposts move and off you go again.  What works for child 1 does not necessarily work for or apply to Child 2.  They are their own people, from day 1, and I learned that I had to go with the flow, adapt and flex, whilst we tried to maintain a safe, loving and nurturing Home for them - and us - in which to grow."

And boy did they grow. Tash is currently in Cambodia, on a month-long tour of Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand before coming back at the end of this month to do her final year of Interior Architecture & Design at Nottingham Trent University, after a year's interning at two design partnerships in London.  Sam starts at the  University of Creative Arts in Farnham UCA web page on Monday, having taken a year out after 6th form college to work and to reflect on what he wanted to do next. He interned for 6 weeks for a television production company, worked for a well-known electrical retailer and became the in-house sales expert for televisions, he continued to go the movies, to write and publish his ever-insightful movie reviews on his YouTube channel See his latest review here and finally decided that working towards a BA in Film Production at University was the way he wanted to go. Mandy and I had nothing to do with that decision and are thrilled that he has found his path via his own passions.

He got a place at the UCA in Farnham, but didn't get into the Halls of Residence. So, singlehandedly (with a bit of prompting & support from Mandy and me), he used facebook to hook up with some other 'Freshers' in the same boat, took on the responsibility of finding a student house to let, organised the legals and (more importantly?) the broadband and wifi, and even delegated some of the other moving in tasks to the other boys who were going to be sharing with him.

Yesterday, I took him and his 'stuff' to Farnham and helped him move in.  So now starts the next phase of my "Husband, Dad..." journey. Mandy and I are now 'empty-nesters'. Indeed, as I write this blog, I am sitting at the strangely-empty desk in Sam's room, able to see the carpet and with the windows wide open (if you got older teenagers, you'll understand those comments).

And I am sad. 

Joyful, but sad. Joyful for Sam, starting his new adventure and the next stage of his life; and sad, 'cos now our role has changed, as have the dynamics in our home. I will miss Sam's apropos-of-nothing conversations about random film stuff, the smell of over-cooked pizza and garlic bread, the hugs when I get home from work, the 'hey' from the hallway as he comes home and goes straight upstairs to his room... the general 'presence' of this charming, articulate, loving and funny young man in our shared living space. I hope his new house mates and university colleagues appreciate him as much as we do!

Mandy and I look forward to continuing to be part of Sam and Tash's lives for as long as we can, as they both grow and develop further; we'll just be a bit more hands-off.  But equally, we'll never be more than an email, text, tweet, facebook, Instagram or Skype away.

They can run, but they can't hide...

Just the Job!

As my children approach the end of another academic year -Tash, Yr2 at University and Sam starting his A Level exams at 6th Form College - and as Mandy has recently started another new job with a Law Firm in London, I've been reflecting on what getting, having, doing and keeping a job really feels like nowadays.

I've been with my current employer for 7½ years now, was with my previous employer for

8½ years, and the one before that for 2½ years.  Previously, Mandy and I were in business with another couple, running our own moderately successful IT Training company.

But neither of us ever intended to be doing those things.  We met at Christmas 1982, doing panto in Stafford.  We were actors.  That's what we had trained for, had been doing for years (but see below) and intended (hoped) to be doing for the rest of our lives.

If you have read any of my social media bios, you will no doubt have noticed the number of jobs I have had.  This was not from choice, but rather from the choice I made to be an actor.  In a professional career of some 12 years, I probably worked as an actor for about 4.  The rest of the time, I was 'resting', as they say (a crappier euphemism I have yet to see - I wasn't resting, I was bloody surviving!).  These other jobs were fill-in roles, just part of the deal when not acting, to ensure the rent was paid and that I could eat. 

But that's where my previous education, personal & learned capabilities and professional experience paid off.  I could type (SCE 'O' Grade in Audio Typing), so I temped in offices; I could drive (passed my driving test when I was 17), so I drove delivery vans and lorries; I could read and deliver a script, so I did some telesales work (lasted two weeks - hated it!).  Bottom line, I managed to keep the wolf from the door because I had some life skills and had learned some stuff along the way to enable me to develop further.  I took this to be the norm and it was at a time when jobs like that were many and available.

However, when Mandy and I (still actors) became a couple and later married, this situation was no longer tenable.  We both took on more structured, permanent roles, found ourselves working with what we now call 'information and learning technologies', but back then we called 'computers', 'word-processors', 'spreadsheets' and 'computer-based training' - and the rest, as they say, is history...

But the landscape's changed now.  I've been lucky to keep my jobs until I was ready to move on (except being made redundant once, 16 years ago), but  in the last two years Mandy's been made redundant once, had to leave her next position due to a clash of understanding about organisational culture and, most recently, her last contract was unexpectedly terminated early and at very short notice.  This is not a reflection on her skills or abilities, but the knife-edge, short-termist economics stalking the business world today. Many of our friends and colleagues have found themselves in the same situation and not always been lucky enough to find other work!

I'd suggest that NO-ONE can rely on a job for life any more.  It seems to me that no long-term career planning is  possible - that we are ALL actors, moving from one job to another, having to prove ourselves time and again to yet another numpty (I had another word lined up here, but good taste prevailed) and starting afresh with new colleagues, work practices, rules, values etc.  In itself, this is no bad thing - much learning and growing to be had and done - but it's the longueurs in between, often of several months or even years, while the coffers slowly empty and the debts begin to mount that really take their toll.

So, as the children (young adults) start to look at further education and career-wards beyond that, what lessons have we learned from this that we can share with them?  What challenges have they got ahead that are the same as - or are very different from - our challenges? What does the world of work look like for Graduates and young people today?

The UK Guardian newspaper reported only last week that a UN Agency, The International Labour Office International Labour Organisation said that young people across the world continue to be almost three times more likely than adults to be unemployed. There are 979,000 unemployed 16 to 24-year-olds in the UK, after a 20,000 rise in the three months to February The Guardian 

How can we help prepare our young people to survive in this environment? 

I'd suggest that there are some essential 'life' skills required nowadays, over and above the academic. When I needed them, I relied on my communication skills, my typing skills and the fact that I could drive to keep me in work. Today, I would add to/change those skills, thus: articulacy and good verbal/conversational skills (a key differentiator in my opinion), good written and digital communication skills, driving, curiosity, flexibility, tenacity - and patience.  All these to underpin any other skills they may have or develop.

I'd love to grow that list to pass it on to our young people, maybe with some resource links to assist them.  What other essential skills would you suggest to enable them to enter the world of work with the best fighting chance?